My best friend recommended me to read Shonda Brown White's, "Don't Be A Wife To A Boyfriend: 10 Lessons I Learned When I Was Single," and after hearing the title I immediately indulged myself in it. Anything to do with getting over fuckboys, I'm all ears (well...in this case all eyes). The book isn't too lengthy, and it definitely is an intriguing read. White's single ladies dating guide came at a perfect time in my life, as I am going through some emotional challenges this book gave me some peace of mind. I took away reassurance from this book, as it confirmed for me that I am making the right decisions when it comes to my love life.
A lot of the themes in the book deal with self love, understanding how important it is to value you yourself and having the strength to walk away from toxic relationships. I loved reading White's words, I related very well with some of her personal experiences. I liked that there was not too much man bashing, but more so self awareness of not so good situations. Lesson #3 out of the 10 discussed in the novel, really stood out to me. White states, "Don't think of him as a piece of clay that you can mold into what you want him to be." Ladies, we are all guilty of thinking we can change a man. In my last relationship I struggled with accepting the fact that my significant other wasn't going to change his ways and there was no way I could force him to do so. Not like he was a liar or cheater, we just didn't like doing the same things and with long distance in the equation things were very complicated. I take responsibility in my actions, forcing things on people pushes them away sometime, especially when they're stubborn. Who would want to be with someone who can't accept them for who they are? If we don't mesh then that is that and I had to accept that.
"Usually the way we allow others to treat us is a reflection of how much or how little we love and value ourselves"
White's words reminded of the things I always preach to my friends or to my self. I copied the quote, "Usually the way we allow others to treat us is a reflection of how much or how little we love and value ourselves," on to a sticky note and posted it on my mirror. This quote meant so much to me, as it is parallel to what I always say, "what you allow will continue." If we are constantly forgiving a cheater for cheating and we are not correcting the actions, we are accepting this kind of hurt and allowing it to continue. White mentions if we don't know better, we can't do better, but we can't make excuses for behavior we know is wrong and we should not subject ourselves to half ass love. The main point of the book is to help women understand some men aren't deserving of your love and instead of forcing a guy to be good to you, be good to yourself and leave. As simple as it sounds, it is not always that simple (trust me I know) White says relationships should be 100/100, both of you giving it 100%. Stop putting in 100 and only getting 35 back. Relationships are work, they take time to build. They aren't based on sex, looks, or money. Relationships are about love and in order to give love, you have to have it for yourself first. White's book comes highly recommended from me, personally!