That Time I Was A Lesbian

I wouldn’t necessarily classify myself as a Lesbian, for many different reasons. I wouldn’t even say I was bisexual; I’m just a girl who likes to explore her sexual boundaries. I’m not full on attracted to girls, nor could I see myself ever being married to one. I’m pretty traditional when it comes to weddings and families. Truthfully, I’ve been with plenty of girls…enough for one to question my sexual orientation, but I definitely, without a doubt, love men. Sometimes I just find myself involved with women and I do like it. Everything just happens, and everything happens for a reason, so I leave it all to chance.

I met the most wonderful girl of my life when I was 19 years old and it had nothing to do with me going to an all girls school (because everyone seems to think you go gay when you go to a same sex school). I was fed up with dealing with dudes and all their BS. So I decided I was going to be very open with my options, as far as whom I was going to give my attention to next. I had forced my friends to come with me to Greensboro’s pride festival downtown, which was a 10-minute walk from our school. They came for the entertainment, but I was on a mission to find me a little honey and I most definitely did. While my friends and I were enjoying some drag queen performances, these two random natives approached us and asked to come to a party they were having. The girl that caught my immediate attention was dark skin and she had really nice, long, locs. She was wearing a green button down, white tee and loose fitting jeans and I was most definitely drooling in my head. At the party I told my roommate that I wanted the dread head and to put me on, like the loyal friend she is, before we left the party she gave her my number and the rest was history!

Sike! She was 24 at the time and we quickly became obsessed with each other. The first time we hung out she picked me up from my dorm room and had a jay ready in the car, which is when she really caught my attention. We went back to her house and listened to the Drake, Nothing Was The Same had just dropped and she told me she was really into. If you know me, you know I don’t tolerate Drake slander so we sat in the dark and listened to the whole album, talking about our lives and smoking blunts. She was a musician, an artist, she was passionate about her music and she had the most angelic voice. For her to be a little dike-y she as so sweet and compassionate. That was what I really liked about her, her soft voice and touches. Our feelings grew quickly, I was falling for her and I didn’t remember how we got to that point.

The first time we had sex was an interesting learning experience for me. The way she touched me made my whole body quiver and her kisses always made me melt, her lips, just like her voice, was so soft and gentle. I was nervous, like really nervous, I didn’t want to fuck up my first time giving a girl head. I was so nervous I even made a stupid comment right before I went down and it had something to do with me being 5 years younger than her. I thought to myself, as I was kissing her thighs, just do everything I like and hopefully she likes it too. Of course, I wasn’t a 10/10 the first time, but once we got to learn each other’s body and what really turns us on, I was lit.

She helped me grow a lot; I was so blessed to have her in my life. We really took care of each other, whatever I needed she gave it to me and the best of all she gave a lot of affection. When she held me I felt safe, I remember her singing happy birthday to me and I just couldn’t stop smiling. I would go to her studio sessions and be entranced with her music. I was her number groupie and she was my rock. I called her crying about everything, we talked and joked about everything, she had all the answers. She helped me become the woman I am today and I am forever grateful for that. She showed me what it was like to have someone really care about your well being and she never gave up on me, she worked with me through everything. She helped me with my writing and entertained all my silly ideas. She was the first person I ever lived with and she was made me feel so comfortable about being myself.

Our relationship was amazing, filled with great energy and real love. Don’t get me wrong, when we argued, we really argued and there were times when we walked out on each other, but we never gave up on our relationship. We went through long distances and ex’s trying to come back into her life (not my ex’s because I don’t play that shit) and we stayed strong. She was my best friend and my lover, but for some reason we didn’t last til forever. She broke up with me a few weeks after Valentine’s Day, while we were still living together….we actually continued living together for several more months, the healing process was delayed. She broke up with me because we were not progressing in our relationship, yes we were happy, but we were in love and those feelings weren’t going to happen, we had been together for almost a year. We had come to conclusion that we were like best friends who fuck, eventually the sex stop happening and arguments were becoming more frequent. We didn’t want to hate each other, but we didn’t want to be in a relationship where we both know we’re not going to end up getting married…after all I was some what a straight girl.

She was one of the best things to happen to me and God always puts people in your life for a reason. She helped me become more disciplined and focused, she pushed me to pursue my dreams and try new things. Actually, because of her I found my next lover…but that is a whole other story.