"I can count on no hands how many times I benefited from a relationship."
I promised myself in 2017 I was going to be all about me. I was going to dedicate everything I do to making me happy and making me money. It's cliché, but it's necessary to be selfish with yourself. Selfish with your money, your time, energy and most importantly, your heart. One thing you can never get back is time, luckily you have plenty of time everyday to do something that is beneficial t you. Money is also something you don't want to waste. All too often I find myself investing money and time into a relationship that amounted to nothingness. I spend all this time... months, years with a person and take care of them, buy them things, invest in their dreams and for what? I can count on no hands how many times I benefited from a relationship. At the end of it all, when I have nothing to show from being a ride or die to a shit head, all I can do is charge it to the game.
I may not be the housewife type, but I am the caring the type, the prove my loyalty type. My heart is filled with love and giving is what I love to do, so that my significant other knows how much they mean to me. I don't do it for recognition, I do it because that's what you're suppose to do. You're suppose to be supportive, give them nice things, show them off, brag about them, let them know how special they are to you and how much you appreciate them being in your life. When things go left is when you start to realize how much more effort you put into the relationship, than the other person.
"I'll admit, I get caught up in my feelings."
I'll admit, I get caught up in my feelings. I'll start missing work and spending all of my free time being infatuated with being in your presence. I catch myself worried more about what my significant other is doing, instead of worrying about my wellbeing and my goals. I'm focused on helping my significant other accomplish their goals and putting my dreams on the back burner. I get trapped in this bubble where it's just me and my boo and nothing else matters to me, nothing at all. I do not know why I get like that sometimes, I just get so wrapped into the fake love being shown. I guess it is because I'm a hopeless romantic, I aspire to have the perfect relationship and marriage and I forget not everyone I'm with is meant to be permanent. When reality hits me, after periods of time and money has been wasted, I lose control of my emotions. I get into this depressed state, I began to blame myself for things not working out and I try to figure out where I went wrong. The thing is...I never go wrong, it just wasn't meant to be and the only thing I can do is let time heal my feelings and charge it all to the game.
There has been way too many times when I've dealt with someone and it all amounted to nothing. Relationships in 2017 and in this millennial era is all one big game. It became a showcase for social media and the rules are simple: play or get played. I've been learning to work on my feelings and not to have too many expectations. I've come to realize that I expect so much, because I give so much, but you do not give to receive, you give from your heart. I understand that part of being in your 20's is going through this growth period, there will be plenty of trial and error. They'll be days filled with accomplishments and some days won't be so fulfilling. People are going to disappoint you repeatedly and you'll find yourself overwhelmed and lost at times, but it should be building you up and making you stronger. It's true what everyone says, your 20's are your selfish years, you should be focused on bettering yourself and doing things to make you happy. I didn't really understand that concept fully until after my college graduation. It took me a while to realize that the only person who truly cares about you, is yourself and that is completely okay. The only thing you can do is charge it all to the game.
Dating is like one big game. You win some, you lose a lot. You could be Karreuche Tran bad, but heartbreak is inevitable. It is apart of experiencing life, learning that not everyone is going to be the one for you, it is a part of the game. Charging it to the game just means that we take our loses as lessons and we are not discouraged by it and we don't let negatives in our lives, shape our lives and attitudes.